


Maybe I am the one that changed

by icedcoffeebee



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alexis | Quackity-centric, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, But I’ll just go with it I guess, Confessions, M/M, Maybe confessions?, Not sure if that’s right because it isn’t a direct confession, Sapnap Karl and Dream are just mentioned, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, With a lot of support friend George, god so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebee/pseuds/icedcoffeebee
Summary: Alex should be happy for Karl when he meets Sapnap. He is, after all, Karl’s best friend, and he even encouraged him to go for it, right?But then why does he feel sowrong.Then some realization takes place, and it all makes sense.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 23
Kudos: 170
Collections: Not in Love- Fanfic and related works !





	Maybe I am the one that changed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reidingrainbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidingrainbow/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Not in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27638572) by [reidingrainbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidingrainbow/pseuds/reidingrainbow). 



> This is a one shot inspired by reidingrainbow’s “Not in Love”, which is absolutely incredible and I love it with all of my heart. Absolute full credit for this idea goes to her, I messaged her on Tumblr to ensure that she was okay with me writing this because this concept just would not let me be. 
> 
> Jil is an amazing writer, and “Not in Love” is fantastic, and you should definitely go check it out. In fact, you should probably read it before this one, or it won’t make that much sense without the context.

Alex doesn’t talk much at lunch anymore. Tommy is throwing his french fries at Tubbo one by one, trying to tear his attention away from his conversation with Niki about whatever. Fundy sits beside Niki, looking more interesting in his pudding cup than anything that the others had to say. They had all tried to get Alex to say something, Tommy even trying to rile him up and debate over whatever stupid shit he thought would get Alex going, but it didn’t work. He can’t focus on anything, not even fighting with Tommy, not when his and Karl’s harsh words are still ringing in his head despite how much time has passed since they last spoke. 

_“You’re the one that told me to figure it out! Here I am, doing exactly what you requested!”  
“I didn’t ask you to change.”  
“I’m still me. Maybe you’re the one that’s changed.”_

He hasn’t been able to sleep right since then. He’s up night after night, wondering what the hell was going on.  
Maybe Karl was right, maybe Alex is the one that changed. But he can’t figure out why. He’s changed because he no longer has his two best friends by his side, with George all over Dream as they had expected, and Karl... Karl was with Sapnap.

God, he can see them, sitting across the cafeteria with the football team. Karl is curled into Sapnap’s left side, smiling and giggling and leaning impossibly closer to the other. Alex feels his own left side burn.

 _If he gets any closer he’ll be in his fucking lap._ Alex shivers at the thought.

He’s covering his smile right now as he laughs at whatever joke Dream just made from across the table, hands curled into the too-long sleeves of his purple sweater. Alex hates when he does that, when he hides his smile. Alex has always hated it. He wants to see his smile, he wants to hear his laugh without it being muffled by the sleeve of whatever funny little sweater the boy is wearing that day.

And apparently, so does Sapnap, because he suddenly takes Karl’s hand and pulls it away, holding it in his own before settling on the table and not letting go. Alex can see Karl’s smile now, how he lights up when he laughs. He wants to smile, too, but he can’t. Why can’t he smile?

Alex has had enough. He can’t figure what the hell is going on or why it hurts so bad to see Karl laughing like that with someone who isn’t him. He can’t figure out why his heart twists and turns whenever he sees Karl lean more into Sapnap’s side, or why his fingers sting and hurt when he catches them interlocking their own together. Why every time Karl smiles at Sapnap he feels his own expression turns darker and darker. 

He can’t figure out why he feels so mad when he told Karl to go for it. He encouraged him, he’s Karl’s best fucking friend, so why the hell can’t he just be happy for him. 

He sees George moving to get up, throwing away the trash from his lunch, and his body moves on its own.

“Where’re you going, big man?” He can hear Tommy asking him, their other friends confused as he stalks over to George at the garbage can, keeping his head down.

“Can we talk?” He directs his words at George for the first time in a week. Why is his voice so small? What is he doing?

George looks up from the trash startled, he hadn’t seen Alex come up, “Right now...?”

“No, no just... Soon? Please? I need help and I— Something is wrong, but I don’t know what, and I need you to help me figure it out. Please,” Alex finally lifts his head, raising his eyes to meet George’s own. He feels tears threatening to spill, why the fuck is he crying? What the hell is happening? 

George’s expression softens from the harshness he had adopted before, turning to concern and confusion, “Yea— Um, yeah, just let me... Let me tell Dream that I can’t hang out after school, and I can—“

Alex immediately shakes his head.

_You’re interrupting, idiot, leave him be. You’re not important anymore._

“Nevermind, no, um... Nevermind. You have plans with Dream, it’s not important, I’ll just—“

“Alex,” George spoke again, the steadiness of his voice making Alex snap his head back up to make eye contact. “We’re still friends. Just because we’re fighting doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me. I’ll tell Dream to hold off, we’ll meet after school and walk to yours. I want to talk to you anyway.”

Alex nods slowly, trying to return the soft smile George gives him before turning to walk back to his table. He sits and sees that George is back at his spot next to Dream, laughing and joking like their conversation never took place. And Karl... Karl doesn’t even look up from his and Sapnap’s intertwined hands, never even taking notice of how long it took George to throw away his trash. He watches Sapnap press a kiss to the top of Karl’s head while the smaller leans into it, and his face burns. The rims of his eyes fill with tears yet again, and he feels his own lips tingling, wishing it were him kissing the soft brown curls while Karl giggles.

_What?_

And he misses Niki calling his name and asking if he’s okay, he misses Tommy slowly lowering his hand which was ready to throw another fry at Tubbo because he doesn’t know what’s going on, he misses all of it when the bell rings and lunch is over and he bolts away to the bathrooms to avoid his next class, one he shared with Karl, because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Three more hours until he can talk to George and figure out what the hell is wrong with him. Hour one is spent in a dim public school bathroom stall, trying to wait out the next bell so he doesn’t have to see Karl’s face because he doesn’t know what the fuck will happen if he does.

Hours two and three are spent in class, physically at least. But he’s not paying attention. He’s watching the clock tick second by second, minute by minute, and finally, _fucking finally_ , the final bell rings and he drags himself to the clump of lockers he shares with George and Karl. He waits at the corner and watches while Karl gets his books, Sapnap leaning against the metal wall beside him and smiling, talking to Karl, and they walk away with Sapnap’s hand on Karl’s waist, and there it is again, the prickly feeling in Alex’s fingertips when he sees Sapnap touching Karl like that and his fingers itch.

And once the coast is clear he meets George at the lockers, throwing his stuff inside and slamming it shut while George puts his things in his locker.  
“I told Dream that we’ll get together tomorrow instead of today, so I’m all yours tonight, Alex,” George smiles, trying to lighten the mood. He could tell Alex was far from his usual self, and the dried tear tracks down his face probably didn’t help much either.

“Right, alright,” George muttered at the failure of his joke, a more serious expression taking place over his forced smile. “Let’s get going then.”

They walked in relative silence the short distance to Alex’s house, George occasionally fidgeting with the straps of his book bag or the sleeves of Dream’s stolen hoodie while Alex repeatedly readjusted his beanie. Thank God no one was home when they arrived, Alex didn’t know if he could handle his parents prying at why he looked like he’d cried out all the tears he had in him. They walked wordlessly to his room, both dropping their bags and shoes at the door. George made his way to sit on Alex’s bed while the other just stood in his place, his body suddenly feeling glued to the floor until George looked at him and called him over silently with his eyes.

And then Alex collapsed. He somehow ended up on the bed, crying even more tears that came out of somewhere even though he swore he had used up all of the water in his body earlier when he hid in the bathroom after lunch. He could barely register George’s words, rubbing circles into his arm and trying to coax him into a state where he could speak clearly. And he got there, eventually. It took about fifteen minutes of straight sobbing, but he got there.

“Alex,” George was close to a whisper. “Alex, it’s okay. Just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong, let me try to help. Please.” He sounds close to tears himself.

“Karl,” is all Alex can force out, his throat raw from the constant crying.

“What about him?”

Alex sniffs, wiping his eyes and trying to regain his composure, “Every time I see him with Sapnap, I... I just feel... Wrong.”

George pulls away ever so slightly, just enough to see Alex’s face, “What do you mean wrong? Tell me what happens when you see them.”

“I just... When they’re holding hands, or leaning onto one another, I just feel... I can feel it. I wish I felt it.” He stops, looking up at George’s expression of pure confusion.  
“I saw Sapnap’s arm around Karl’s waist at the end of the day, and I... My hands burned, I just wanted to reach out and... and—“

“Replace Sapnap’s hand with your own,” George cut him off, realization and pity washing over his features. “Alex, it sounds like you...”

“I love Karl,” he whispered, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

Neither one of them speaks, not until Alex looks at George with some sort of fear in his eyes and whispers, “Please don’t tell him. Please, I can’t—“

“Alex, I won’t tell anybody.”

“ _Swear_ you won’t.”

George nods, “Not a word.”

Alex nods, tears forming for the third time that day.

_Damn it, isn’t there a fucking limit to how much you can cry in one day?_

Apparently not. But at least he’s not confused anymore. Those tears were different, those were red hot and angry, confused and without a reason.  
These tears feel cold. Alex feels cold with the realization that the one person he loves the most doesn’t love him back, not in the same way. And not only that, but Alex is the one who told him to go after someone else. He feels cold and alone despite George pulling him closer into his shoulder, letting Alex cry all he wants while he pulls out his phone and tells his parents he won’t be coming home tonight, he needs to stay here.

They never got to whatever it was George wanted to talk about, instead spending the rest of the night alternating between silence and Alex talking about Karl. About how amazing he is. About how wonderful he is, how smart he is, how adorable he looks in his stupid dorky sweaters with his nose buried in a textbook studying the same exam for the third time. About how close they were and how Alex fucked it up.

About how Alex loves Karl. And about how it’s _eating him alive_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is like my first writing work in like, years so um... be gentle? Haha.
> 
> I want to credit reidingrainbow again for the idea in general, but also a couple of things in specific. The “eating you alive” line is inspired directly by a line in “Not in Love”, and the ‘fighting dialogue’ in the beginning of this story is a direct quote from her book as well. I want it to be known that I did not come up with those specific lines and they are fully Jil’s. That’s all I have to say :) Thank you for reading, much much love to anyone who reads and especially Jil for  
> A. Writing “Not in Love” and subsequently inspiring this work, and  
> B. Allowing me to write this based off of her amazing story
> 
> <33  
> @c0dename_bee on twitter!


End file.
